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About Me
im not exist, im in everybody's mind...
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IT IS SINFUL TO NOT HAVE SINS
Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.
Marquis De Sade-
it is always by pain one arrives at pleasure, Sade said. But to me, it is only by pleasure one arrives at pain.
Or its the other way around, i dont care. I dont care anymore for any useless apologetic nonesense of my torched heart.
Not like You, you sick imbeciles, dont you dare to regret your lust or you'll be empty forever. For God's only bless us this idle-lustless life once.
You sit there wondering like abhorred sinner but you practice nonesense magnanimity, you practice Gods value when your mouth declares you're an
agnostic. You are more whore than a virgin mary. With those synthetic beauty that expressed bigotry of your nature, you are a falseness in this sinful world.
For we are blessed as sinners, we never been a holy nor a prophet, we are jealous angels who cried for equality doomed to the kingdom of heaven..
WE WANT HELL TO CRASH, AND HEAVEN TO FALL. WE ARE SINNERS AS YOUR NARROW MIND EVER IMAGINE! WE PRAY FOR RAPE, MURDER, KILLING,
ETERNAL CHAOS IN YOUR HYGIENIC PITYFULL WORLD OF ANXIETY!
And for all of you have done and say, for all the things you had considered, for all those pathetic thinking of yours...
I denounce you as a perfect statue in this imperfect world, so you may swept away by the imagination of perfection...
AND FOREVER YOU SHALL BE DOOMED TO EMPTINESS!!!!
"Your body is the church where Nature asks to be reverenced. Never deny the magical whispers of your body's demand."
Posted by cef
at 9:41:00 PM ::
Percakapan lantai dua "Semuanya yang ada di dalam diriku adalah palsu. Aku memalsukan kebahagiaanku, dan aku cukup pandai dengan hal itu. Pada awalnya, aku merasa seluruh dunia sudah tertutup bagiku, tidak ada yang tersisa selain kesendiriandan tanggung jawab yang aku sesali. Tidak sekuncup harapan pun yang berdiri di depan mataku yang sayu. Dan dia, seperti kamu dan kebanyakan laki-laki lainnya, hanya menginginkan ejakulasinya sendiri, membiarkan vaginaku terjerembab sepi, membeku secara alami. Dan sekarang, arti kejujuran sudah mencong maknanya bagi diriku. Semua harapan dan semangat hidupku kurangkul dari kepalsuan ini. Wig, rok dan jaket, serta kosmetika yang ada di wajah dan tubuhku mencuci semua kebosanan hari-hariku, mereka adalah penis bagi vaginaku." Kamu jadi lain sekali sekarang. Tadi siang kamu berjalan seperti wanita yang takkan layu di serang hujan, dengan buah dadamu yang berukuran sedang dan badan lemah gemulai itu, aku sangat ingin menyetubuhimu. Tapi aku juga tau, melalui tatapan matamu yang selalu mengarah ke lantai itu, aku meresapi ada sesuatu yang tersembunyi yang meresahi tiap langkah kakimu. Aku tau, karena itu juga aku berusaha menggodamu, mencoba memabukanmu dan menelanjangimu sesuka hatiku, agar terpuaskan rasa ingin tahuku. "sekarang aku sudah telanjang untukmu, tanpa ada sehelaipun kepalsuan yang menutupi ketika penismu menerobos dinding-dinding itu. Rasa-rasanya aku hanya ingin hidup di dalam detik-detik itu dan tidak merasakan menit selanjutnya maupun esok pagi. Aku benar-benar mabuk malam ini" Jadi aku benar-benar telah berhasil menggodamu, rencanaku yang meragukan itu akhirnya mencapai klimaks yang kuinginkan. Aku tidak perlu masturbasi lagi membayangkanmu, aku sudah bisa merasakanmu secara nyata dan benar-benar basah. "ya, mungkin kamu pikir rencanamu berhasil. Tapi kamu salah, akulah yang menggodamu, aku menggodamu dengan kepedihanku yang memancing rasa ingin tahumu dan itu menaikan birahimu. Jadi jangan dulu merasa hebat dengan rencana setengah-hatimu itu.Akulah yang benar-benar menginginkannya."Aku juga sadar sebenarnya kalau rencanaku itu separuh hati. Semua itu tergantung dari reaksi dirimu, refleksmu dari rencana kecilku itu. Dan melalui gerak-gerikmu, aku sudah tau kamu menginginkannya. Apa kamu benar-benar menginginkanku, sebernafsu itukah? "hahahaha, jangan besar kepala dulu. Aku menginginkanmu karena para lelaki bodoh itu memang tidak berani mengambil langkah lebih dari yang aku berikan. Mereka sudah kuberi mimpi, tapi mereka ingin terbangun dan menemukan diri mereka dengan pertimbangan-pertimbangan. Dan kebetulan kamu tidak, kamu manusia yang tidak memiliki dosa, karena kamu selalu meminum dosa yang kamu temukan sampai habis. Kamu pelacur murahan di malam hari yang kubeli dengan kepedihanku. Tapi aku suka itu, aku mencintai semua pelacur!" ..........to be continued
Posted by cef
at 12:19:00 AM ::
If only i
If I say “I love you”, can I kiss you on the lips and hug you close like never before?
And maybe you’ll say its too fast, maybe you will say “how can I love you if we only have short time together.”
Okay then, I’ll play with your game and I’ll change the sentence “I like you.” Is it more comforting to you, with this new sentence? Or maybe less direct like “you look beautiful tonight without your silly hat.”
And your beginning to wondering and suddenly protest, “this is not a game, this is a feeling, something that is spontaneous and can’t be arranged by words or just one sided judgement.”
It needed others confirmation, my confirmation”.
Okay, I understand. But what if I kiss your lips without saying any of that, or waiting for your so called “feelings confirmation.” Would you hate me for that, should I fear the risk that you propably wont see me again?
Some say it have to be more slower. That I should approach you with this many act of politeness, so you can see the sweet side of me, the gentle and warm side. In the rush is always bad, for your health, for other people, it is an act of impatient stupidity, just like premature ejaculation makes sex bad.
Asking “how are you” is a good start, “how things going nowadays, are you busy tonight, can I go to your place?” yeah the same old songs male people should act through the centuries.
And after that we can share things we have in common like “do you hate Tracy Chapman as much as I do? What kind of music do you like, have you hear the Manic Street Preachers latest album? God, they are awesome! They write such good lyrics and compose pretty good rock music huh?” or maybe some brainy subjects like, do you have any contemporary thinkers you might like?” And of course you will say, “Noam Chomsky is good but I prefer Howard Zinn, he’s the best.” Yeah I like both of them,” I’ll say.
And the situation becoming more awkward since we’re too excited with ourselves and then decided to drink alcohol that night. A bottle of vodka may warm the situation, making it more chilled out. And it did, we were laughing, joking, and then found our heads close to each other.
And I was wondering that night, asking to myself “did I make you happy, do you enjoy my visit, the vodka we drink, the conversation we have, the silly debate, and most of all, do you like having yourself close to me, body and soul?”
That night you say that I look tired and I can sleep with you, that you’ll share your little bed with me.
Let’s go to the bed and sleep and of course no sex, sex will ruin everything. So we could get up early tomorrow and go for a morning walk, we have all day to spend, we can go everywhere we want. We can go to the mountain, or beach, yeah of course beach, “that would be perfect,” the words came out straight from your mouth.
We will make ourselves exhausted all day under the hiding sun. we could laying on the grass below the trees and the honey bees. Spend our time watching the poetry of nature, talk nothing except nonsense and jokes, daydreaming till the grey sky fades and the shy sun came out from its universe cave.
“The sun came out for a reason” you say. “So embrace, don’t hide your body, let it burns our skin, so it could dry the vodka we drink last night, to dry the water from the rain, to gave us strength in our exhaustion of life.
And now the days are gone and the sun sleeping again in her cave. The sky dropping tears day and night, what an awfull rainy season. And I say to myself, “just how appropriate climate for my lost heart, this couldn’t be more proper.”
But at least we have fulfilled it, our desires that day. And I don’t even know if we have or want some more.
The last time we meet you say, “please call me, oh no…don’t, don’t even bother.” Yeah I think so too, of course, and I guess this is goodbye. This is just casual relation and its alright, its alright because its nothing. Its just plain like the vodka we drink that first night, nothing more. We have nothing more than a plain life.
Posted by cef
at 1:51:00 PM ::
The Economics of Henry Miller ( a perverted individualist intellectual)
"To walk in money through the night crowd, protected by money, lulled by money, dulled by money, the crowd itself a money, the breath money, no least single object anywhere that is not money, money, money everywhere and still not enough, and then no money, or a little money or less money or more money, but money, always money, and if you have money or you dont have money it is the money that counts and money makes money, but what makes money makes money?" ---Tropic of Cancer, Henry Miller
Posted by cef
at 10:25:00 PM ::
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